Running Scared
by Nota Bene
Summary: "There was only one thing for it: He would have to leave Grimmauld Place straightaway" Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix  p.494 . What if Harry had run away like he intended after the vision of Mr. Weasley's attack?


A/N: Hi guys! I've been re-reading the books in preparation for the upcoming movie ::squeak!:: and as I was reading the fifth book, I came upon this little scene, after Harry had the dream about Mr. Weasley being attacked by Nagini and Harry thinks he's the weapon Voldemort is searching for, and I thought "what if Harry ran away like he intended?" so here's my take on that.

I used a few direct quotes from different parts of the Harry Potter series, but adapted most of them, in my own words, for this story.

Before you ask, this is a one-shot, and there will not be a sequel. It's just a rambling of thoughts pulled together. Hope you enjoy! Let me know…

Running Scared

.

.

.

_I'm the weapon. _ Thought Harry. That's what all this guarding business was for; to protect him. But wait_-_ if Voldemort had managed to possess him...

Harry thought over his dream. There was no doubt that Voldemort had been in his mind; he had seen the snake attack Mr. Weasley. No, he had _been_ the snake attacking Mr. Weasley.

Harry felt dirty, contaminated, as though he were carrying some deadly germ. Voldemort could control him, could make him do things...Harry felt sick. The protection wasn't for him, it was for everybody else; protection from him!

Oh God, what if Voldemort made him hurt somebody else? Harry shuddered. He rubbed his face hard with the palm of his hands. It was too horrible to consider. Another thought popped into Harry's head and he blanched at the implications of it.

What if Voldemort could read his mind? What if all the secrets Harry had- What if Voldemort had access to all that information?

Harry jumped to his feet and began pacing fervently. He knew too much. He knew all about the Order; Sirius had told him everything that first night at Grimmauld Place and- Oh God, Sirius. Voldemort would know that Harry knew where Sirius was, he would be able to figure out where Headquarters were...

And what if Voldemort used him to get to everybody else? Ron, Hermione, the rest of the

Weasleys...Harry was a danger to all of them.

"What do I do?" his frustrated voice echoed throughout the empty room and Harry sat down on the edge of the bed, elbows leaning on his knees; his head bowed heavily.

"Who knows?"

Harry's head sprang up at the sound. Phineas Nigellus was leaning against the gold frame of his portrait, an amused look on his face. Harry shook his head at the painting.

"What do you want?"

"I have a message from Albus Dumbledore." he said lazily.

Harry sprung to his feet. "What is it?"

"Stay where you are."

"What?"

"Dumbledore says 'stay'." Phineas looked bored as he idly examined the silk glove upon his hand.

"He thinks I'd run away?" Harry asked, surprised.

Phineas nodded. "And here I thought that to belong to Gryffindor House you were supposed to be brave? You might as well have belonged to my house. We Slytherins are brave, yes, but not stupid. For instance, given the choice we will always choose to save our own necks."

"I'm not trying to save my own neck!" Harry exclaimed.

"Are you being _noble_ then?" Phineas asked, his voice sarcastic as he stroked his beard.

Harry crossed his arms over his chest and said loudly "I'm not doing _anything._"

"Good." and with that, Phineas strolled from his frame and out of sight. Harry stared blankly after him before throwing his hands up in the air violently. He spun around and flung himself facedown upon the empty bed.

_So Dumbledore thinks I'm a coward._ He felt his temper rising, like a snake preparing to strike. How could he think so little of him?

_Ahh...but Dumbledore doesn't think of you. He has barely spoken to you, hardly looked at you..._Harry shut his eyes. His body was heavy and aching...

He felt he had journeyed miles and miles...it seemed impossible that less than twenty-four hours ago Cho Chang had been approaching him under the mistletoe...He was so tired...he was scared to sleep...yet he did not know how long he could fight it...he was sinking into the shadows...

It was as though a film in his head had been waiting to start. He was walking down a deserted corridor toward a plain black door, past rough stone walls, torches, and an open doorway onto a flight of stone steps leading downstairs on the left...

He reached the black door but could not open it...He stood gazing at it, desperate for entry...something he wanted with all his heart lay beyond...a prize beyond his dreams...if only his scar would stop prickling...then he would be able to think more clearly...

"Harry," said Ron's voice, from far, far away, "Mum says dinner's ready, but she'll save you something if you want to stay in bed..."

Harry opened his eyes, but Ron had already left the room.

_He doesn't want to be on his own with me, _Harry thought. _Not after what he heard Moody say..._

He supposed none of them would want him there anymore now that they knew what was inside him...

He would not go down to dinner; he would not inflict his company upon them. He turned over onto his other side and after a while of lying quietly, unable to fall back asleep, Harry sat up.

The feeling of being unclean had intensified and glancing around the empty room, Harry's eyes fell upon Phineas Nigellus' portrait; the frame was empty.

If this was how things were going to be, if the only contact Dumbledore was going to have with him was through a painting, maybe he was better off taking things into his own hands. Harry got up from the bed and stood staring at the empty frame. A leaden sensation was settling in the pit of his stomach. He had no alternative: he was going to have to leave Grimmauld Place straight away, cut himself off from other wizards entirely...

Harry strode over to his trunk, slammed the lid shut and locked it, then glanced around automatically for Hedwig before remembering that she was still at Hogwarts-well, her cage would be one less thing to carry- he seized one end of his trunk and dragged it toward the door. Pulling the thick wood open, Harry stood on the threshold, leaning into the hallway; the coast was clear. With one quick glance back at his room, Harry turned to leave.

"Where do you think you're going?" Phineas Nigellus was back.

"I need to protect everyone." Before Phineas could say anything, Harry whipped out his wand and threw a silencing spell at the canvas before closing the door.

Out in the hall, Harry took a deep breath. No one was on the landing and as he looked over the railing, Harry couldn't see any shadows that might signal people moving around on the other floors. He glanced down at his trunk; it would be ridiculous to drag it around with him, not to mention it would probably make a lot of noise on the stairs...brandishing his wand, Harry aimed a Shrinking Charm at his luggage.

_This should make things easier._ Harry thought as he replaced his wand in the waist band of his trousers and picked up his trunk, which now fit in the palm of his hand, placing it in his pocket. He quietly made his way down the stairs and paused at the bottom of the staircase, listening intently. The tinkling of cutlery could be heard coming from the kitchen; sounds of lively conversation and laughing drifted through the air and Harry felt something wrapping itself around his heart tightly, squeezing.

He didn't want to leave, but he had to. He couldn't let any harm come to his friends and their families. With another tight pang in his chest, Harry moved towards the front door, pulled it open and stared into the dark evening. It was snowing lightly and Harry pulled his jumper tighter around his torso as he stepped into the cold evening air, not hearing the sound of the fire flaring to life as he closed the door behind him.

"It is time."

Albus Dumbledore sat behind his desk, his chin resting on his interlocked fingers. His eyes twinkled sadly behind the half-moon glasses.

"Albus?"

Dumbledore looked up, his gaze directed straight at the man sitting on the other side of his desk. "Harry needs to learn Occlumency, Severus."

"Why?" Severus leaned forward in the chair he occupied on the other side of the headmaster desk.

"The scar left on Harry when he was a baby forged a connection between victim and caster. Until now, Harry has merely been experiencing the thoughts and emotions of Lord Voldemort without his being any the wiser."

Severus flinched at the use of the Dark Lord's name. "And now?"

"Harry had a vision tonight, of Arthur Weasley being attacked by a snake, from the snake's point of view. His presence did not go unnoticed." Dumbledore's shoulders slumped as if he was carrying the weight of the world upon them. "I believe it will not be long before Voldemort attempts to force his way into Harry's mind, to manipulate and misdirect his thoughts. He needs to learn to defend himself against such attacks."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "You are asking _me_ to teach him?"

Albus's blue eyes pierced Severus with a sharp gaze as he nodded.

"Why? Why not you?"

"I do not want to give Voldemort more incentives to attack. If he realizes that my relationship with Harry is closer than that of Headmaster and student, he might seize his chance to use him as a means to spy on me. I fear that he might-"

"Headmaster!" Their conversation was cut off as Phineas Nigellus reappeared in his portrait, looking exasperated. "He's gone."

Dumbledore sprung to his feet faster than Severus would have thought possible. "What do you mean? I thought you told him to stay put."

"Yes well, you know young people! They alone are quite sure that they alone think and feel; they alone recognize danger and are the only ones clever enough to avert-"

"Enough, Phineas. Did you alert anyone in the house?"

"The brat put a silencing spell on my portrait."

Dumbledore was moving faster than Severus had ever seen him; a patronus was issued from his wand and sent from the office before Severus had time to fully stand.

"What is it, Albus?"

"Harry has run away from Headquarters." the old man sounded guilty and Severus found himself bothered by the tone of his voice. "Come, quickly. We need to get to him before..."

Dumbledore did not finish his thought before he threw himself into the emerald flames that had appeared after he flung the floo powder into them. "12 Grimmauld Place!"

Severus followed.

The sound of the fire flaring to life and their arrival fell on deaf ears. Straightening his robes and dusting the ash off, Severus followed swiftly behind the headmaster as he made his way out of the room.

"Sirius! Remus!" His voice was a powerful bellow, not loud enough to wake Mrs. Black's portrait, but enough to give pause to the chatter coming from the kitchen. The scraping of the cutlery quieted down, chairs were shuffling and then Sirius Black appeared in the hall, Remus Lupin behind him, followed closely by Hermione and the Weasleys.

"Professor Dumbledore! What a pleasant surprise!" He caught sight of Severus standing behind the headmaster and glared. "Snape."

Severus just sneered in retaliation. Black wouldn't be so smug when he realized his godson had disappeared. Speaking of-

"Harry's gone."

Sirius laughed. "No, he's just upstairs." He exchanged a glance with the people behind him and Molly Weasley stepped forward.

"We let him know dinner was ready but Ron said he did not want to come downstairs. Better he should rest, the poor dear; looked positively peaky when they got back this morning. I don't think he slept at all..." Behind her, Ron was nodding.

Dumbledore was shaking his head. "Phineas informed me that Harry has left. We need to find him now."

"Harry?" Sirius seemed to have trouble believing Dumbledore and concern passed over his face as he called out for his godson, receiving no answer. He pushed passed Severus and Dumbledore, racing up the stairs to Harry's room, Remus right behind him. When Sirius's face appeared over the railing, panic covering his features, everyone seemed to react at once.

Rushing back down the stairs, Remus asked "Where did he go?" and everyone seemed to be pushing towards the front door.

Albus held up a hand, seeming to push everyone back. "I do not know, but we need to get him back. We will split into groups. I have already contacted the rest of the Order and they are covering the spots Harry may go to." His voice sounded calm among the ensuing chaos. His next statement was met with multiple protests. "The children will stay here. That is an order." The crowd grew quiet at the stern tone. "Molly, please stay with them. Alastor, you and Tonks will head to the east; Sirius, cast a Disillusionment Charm on yourself and go with Severus in the opposite direction Remus will come with me."

The chaos turned into a form of orderly disruption as the groups made their way out of the house. Sirius did not wait for Severus before casting the charm on himself and running in the direction Dumbledore had pointed.

"Slow down, Black!" Severus called after him. Chasing after a camouflaged man was not easy.

"My godson has disappeared, Snape! You can't expect me to take my time here!" He was dashing from one side of the street to the other, hoping to see something in the shadows.

Severus rolled his eyes. "I was going to suggest that it might be easier to find Potter if you were to be in your dog form."

Sirius paused in his frantic searching, contemplating Severus' suggestion before morphing into a giant black dog. He pressed his nose to the ground and began moving forward once more.

It was another two minutes before Severus spoke again. "Have you found anything?"

Sirius sniffed loudly, moving his head back and forth in the equivalent of a head shake. They were four blocks from number 12. The light drizzle of snow from earlier had stopped and besides for their footprints, a pristine layer of white lay upon the ground. Sirius began whining as they moved further away from headquarters. Another minute passed before he transformed back into his human form.

"This is useless! I can't smell anything." He swirled on the spot, fists clenching in frustration at his side. "Harry!"

"Shut up!" Severus hissed at him. "If the boy ran away, letting him know we're looking for him wouldn't be helpful."

Sirius ran a shaky hand through his hair, the other coming to rest on his waist. "I just can't believe we didn't hear him leave or anything. Ron had just come down..."

"Then he shouldn't have gotten too far." Moving past Sirius, Severus walked down another block and turned into a small gated park. It seemed more like an empty cage with nothing but a few trees, a bench or two, and a dilapidated swing set. The light from the streetlamp flickered on and off, casting dark shadows upon the white snow.

Sirius followed behind him, dragging his feet slowly. He stopped suddenly and began sniffing the air.

"Retaining your canine abilities in human form now?" Severus sneered, but Sirius ignored him. He morphed quickly back into the big black dog and bounded forward. Severus sneered after him and attempted to follow the huge paw prints left in the snow. "Black! What are you-"

Severus stopped. Black had transformed back into a man and was kneeling in the snow next to Potter. The boy was sprawled on the ground, his body twitching spasmodically in the snow and Sirius tapped his face sharply.

"Harry...come on, Harry..." His voice held a desperate tone to it. But Potter didn't seem to be able to hear him. He looked to be in the throws of a curse, but Severus looked around, gaze landing on nothing out the ordinary around them. He glanced back at the boy in the snow and as his head snapped to the side, Severus could see the pounding of the vein in his neck; it seemed to be threatening to burst through his pale skin.

Images of cruciatus victims rose to the forefront of Severus' mind and he recalled the headmaster's words from earlier. _His presence did not go unnoticed. _The Dark Lord knew of the connection between himself and Potter; could this be a result?

Severus seemed stuck in place for a moment before rushing forward and dropped down next to Sirius, pushing him out of the way and grabbing Potter by the shoulders. The thin body trembled underneath his grasp and Severus shook the boy roughly, attempting to snap him out of whatever trance he was in.

Potter did little more than moan. His back arched, lifting off the ground. The muscles in his neck strained even more as he threw his head back, slamming it against the ground and Severus barked at Sirius to grab hold of the sides of the boys head, holding it in place to prevent further damage.

"Snap out of it, Potter!" Severus growled down at the oblivious boy. He whipped out his wand, "_Ennervate_!" but it did nothing. Severus snarled. "_Aguamenti!" _

A stream of water shot out of his wand, drenching Harry's face in ice cold water. Suddenly the boy stopped thrashing under Severus' hold, his eyes snapping open, full of pain and panic.

Not fully realizing where he was, Harry struggled against the hands holding him down. He couldn't speak; his incoherent mind could not formulate a sentence. He pushed against the force keeping him down.

"_Harry. _Harry, stay down! You're alright! _Harry._" Someone was cupping the sides of his head tightly, shaking his head a bit with the strong grip. Blinking quickly, Harry looked up. Sirius was gazing down at him, concern lacing his features. Realizing that Harry recognized him, the grip Sirius had on his head loosened and he brushed the hair off Harry's forehead.

The release of pressure on Harry's head alerted him to more pressure lower down, on his arms. Glancing down, he saw his professor. Confusion flitted across his face.

"What happened?"

Sirius and Severus exchanged a glance. "You don't remember?"

"I—I remember leaving...and then..." Harry's eyes widened suddenly. His voice was hysterical when he spoke again. "Did I hurt someone? Did he get me? I couldn't stop it-"

"Harry, _Harry_!" Sirius had gripped his shoulders, pushing him down to the ground. "Relax! No one's hurt. What are you talking about?"

Harry shivered under their hands, the cold from the ground seeping into his clothes, seeming to find its way to the center of his bones. Sirius seemed to realize this and said "Let's get you up of the snow."

Exchanging a quick glance with Severus, they each reached for a side, supporting Harry under his arms as they led him to a bench. Severus cast a quick warming spell over them and Sirius glanced at him gratefully.

"Potter, can you tell us what happened?"

Harry felt a little disoriented at the sudden change of position, but hundreds of thoughts raced through his head and he stammered, trying to find the one he wanted to express.

"He's using me...I'm sorry...I had to go..." Harry rambled.

"Who's using you, Harry?"

"Voldemort." Harry looked away, ashamed.

"Is that what just happened? Was he doing something to you?" Sirius voice was full of concern and Harry was forced to look at him.

"I saw..." Harry shook his head. "I'm sorry, I hurt him and I can't hurt anyone else...I had to go..." Harry rambled.

"Who did you hurt, Harry?"

"Mr. Weasley."

Sirius' face darkened. "Harry, that wasn't you, that was Voldemort. And Arthur's fine, you're going to see him tomorrow and he'll probably be home before the holidays are over."

Harry shook his head. "He used me. It was me. Possessed" He looked hopelessly up into Sirius' face and Sirius felt his heart break at the lost look in those gorgeous green eyes.

"Potter, the Dark Lord did not possess you."

Harry's gaze snapped to his professor. "The dream I had...and the snake-"

"Harry," interrupted Sirius "You've had these dreams before. You had flashes of what Voldemort was up to last year."

"This was different." said Harry, shaking his head. "I was inside that snake; I _was _that snake...what if Voldemort somehow transported me to London-?"

His voice had a hysterical edge to it and Sirius found himself looking to Severus for help.

"You can't Apparate or Disapparate inside Hogwarts. Even the Dark Lord couldn't remove you from your dormitory, Potter."

This didn't seem to make Harry feel any better, and he just continued shaking his head in disbelief. "I'm the weapon; Voldemort is going to use me."

Severus stared at the boy for a few seconds. He thought back once more to his conversation with Dumbledore that had been interrupted. The headmaster had not mentioned anything about possession, but there was a connection between Potter and the Dark Lord and he wanted Severus to help Potter block that connection.

"Potter." Potter was still shaking his head back and forth. "Potter, listen to me."

At the sharp tone, Harry's gaze snapped towards Severus'. "You have a connection with the Dark Lord. You know this. The headmaster wishes for you to study Occlumency."

Potter's face was blank.

"Occlumency is the magical defense of the mind against external penetration. An obscure branch of magic, but a highly useful one. It will seal your mind against magical intrusion and influence."

Sirius looked as confused as Harry. "Why does Dumbledore want him to learn that? He said he's not being possessed..."

Severus had to hold back a sneer. He had thought his explanation was satisfactory enough, but turned back to Potter. "Evidence shows that, at times, when your mind is most relaxed and vulnerable- when you are asleep for instance- you are sharing the Dark Lord's thoughts and emotions. Albus thinks it inadvisable for this to continue. Seeing what I have seen tonight, I agree."

Understanding dawned on his face, and Potter's eyes widened as the implication of the headmaster's request hit him. "If I have to do this, if Dumbledore thinks it's necessary, than—he can possess me!"

Harry made to stand up from the bench but Sirius grabbed him before he could go anywhere, sitting him down on the bench again. Kneeling down on the ground, so that they were at eye-level with each other, Sirius looked at Harry straight in the face.

"You know Dumbledore, Harry, he likes to cover all his bases and he's asked Snape to help. We're going to stop him, Harry. Snape is going to help-" Sirius gave him a pointed look "and we're going to stop anything from happening to you." Sirius hugged Harry tightly, running a hand through his messy hair. "Snape is going to teach you to block your mind, and Voldemort won't be able to do anything, alright? That's why you ran away, because you thought you were a danger to everyone?"

Harry gave a small nod and Severus noticed he had started shivering again. "I think it's time we return to headquarters."

Sirius nodded at looked at Harry. Cupping his cheek, Sirius said "Let's get back home. What do you say? Everyone will be waiting for you."

Harry looked uneasy. He looked like he would have loved to just disappear but Sirius pulled him to his feet and wrapped a strong arm around his shoulders. "Don't worry, I won't let anyone bother you." Although Harry was not a hundred percent convinced, Sirius gave him another warm smile and tightened his grip on his arm.

Harry glanced over at Severus. Their eyes locked for a moment. "You'll teach me?"

Severus nodded. "I will do my best."

Sirius gave Harry another small hug. "We'll get through this, pup. I promise."


End file.
